Bijgewerkt op: 16 dec. 2022
As a kid I always had very vivid and very conscious lucid dreams. As far I can remember.. But mostly I remember growing up, not believing in anything but science and our structural moral code that modern society presented for each individual. Back then I wasn’t looking for anything spiritual in life nor chasing dreams and visions. Rather surviving and learning how to handle the daily ratrace. In that state of mind there isn’t time nor space to dream and to stand still to observe what goes on within.
Until I turned 18, cliché, isn’t it? Hahaha! My mom was living in France back then and wanted to introduce me to a friend of hers and take me to a mineral and crystal shop somewhere in the mountains of the Alsace. I wasn’t living with my mom anymore. By then I came over during school holidays and was living my life in Belgium away from most family and parents. Her friend was a physiologist and healer with roots in Dakotan traditions. She invited us for a treatment and after a drum journey. These drum journeys take you into the dreamworld or “underworld” where spirit guides live. For myself that day wasn’t that special, all I saw was a turquoise cloud in a black space. So I wasn’t that convinced back then. A little bit later we went to the crystal store knowing that I never really saw what other people can describe with a clear third eyed vision. Once in the store I felt pressure rise and the closer I got to the crystals I was about to buy I was pouring sweat all over and shaking when I was holding the tiger eye and a turquoise amulet. When we went over to pay them, the man became silent and stared at me. After a couple of seconds he asks me if he can touch me. Which was strange to me! But I allowed it and he told me that I had a choice in life, go and live the usual life or accept and remember who I truly am and serve for a greater purpose.
I didn’t say much back then, but I was already shaking and sweating my balls off and wanted to go out for fresh air. The man needed to round up with us, to recharge and cleans himself from a previous treatment and excused himself. Said our goodbyes and went back home. That evening my mom smudged me with white sage and I went up to my room to try a first time meditation. It felt amazingly relaxing and almost like a big load had been taken off my body. So I sat down and tried to focus on my breathing. Usually I was very uncomfortable and had a hard time sitting still. My back would start to hurt a lot by just trying to sit up straight, but I kept my focus on returning to my breath and my posture whenever I noticed myself drifting off in thoughts. And all of a sudden all the pain and the discomfort was gone and by the time that I became aware of it I felt a light as a feather that wasn’t even touching the bed anymore. When I looked at the time I was blown away, I said for more than 45 min in one go.. But it felt like 5 min to me. This sparked my curiosity to go deeper and get myself informed with research on the human body and breathwork. Of course including the 2 crystals that have been guiding me back then. One I still have with me, the tiger eye. But this period in my life was strongly guided by the turquoise amulet. It gave me energy and helped me work with my breath and releasing blocks. But I still wasn’t convinced about spirits and the whole etheric knowledge that I encountered during my own research back then.
Then things really started to open up through crystals for me. I started to have people coming to me and telling me my grandmother was following me and calling her by name, which nobody in my social environment knew. Dreams of real friends visiting me and touching me, talking to me as clear as daylight. One night I got a Selenite and a Labradorite under my pillow and I went crazy. I thought I woke up again, but I wasn’t, still dreaming full-on. I came out of my bed and looked through the window behind me. All of a sudden I wasn’t in the city anymore, but watching the coastline of a very beautiful city with sight on the beach and the sea. Colors started to change like a sunset that was kicking in for the night ahead, far in the sea, waves were popping up on the horizon and black shades of flying animals were vaguely visible. But the longer I watched these waves grew and the vagueness became very clear. A huge wave coming in with a pack of dragons flying towards my window. I remember it still so vividly today and see the images still in my mind's eye. One of the dragons, red, brown with dark swirly horns came closer and wandered around my windows trying to look inside. I was so scared I could only think of hiding instead of calming down and trying to communicate. I didn’t even believe in spirit guides back then and didn’t even recognize that this beautiful animal was one of my guides that I was about to connect to in the future. This is how overwhelming it can be when you start to open up and it would be less of a surprise to notice that someone with such an experience is easily thinking that they are going crazy when there is nobody to explain what actually really happens.
(Beautiful artwork from my lovely wife: Ragna's eye)
Know that today my visual aspect in my intuition has been blocked and clogged for many reasons and is still a work in progress. But I have been feeling a lot and hearing a lot. Became so used to it, because it always was, that I didn’t even recognize it for myself. I thought it was just how everybody experiences life. Through the process of learning to understand all of this even more it became important to me to learn to handle my feelings. Knowing that everything I feel isn’t always mine and so it was very important to learn to deal with this on deeper levels. This opened me to the cleansing that I have been going through for so many years.
During my last dieta in the jungle I started to become physically aware of my dragon guide Ragna. And I started to become more a vessel of channeling information then I ever experienced before. Before it was always so subtle that one might think you just imagined things. But now things went so wild that I could even discredit the experience because other people were witnessing this while I was bursting open to these new experiences. Crying like a baby out of gratitude while words were coming through my mouth. Finally my experience became so big that there was no way anymore to doubt it or discard it. It was now just about me and learning to accept what life really is and forget whatever programmed thoughts and ideas have been judging this whole process. Now I learned over the years that it was mostly my doubts and disbelief that kept me away from remembering. Now I come to see the strength in prayers and intention. And the way we create our own lifes. Most of the blocks that we face are just us that are facing these puzzles to find our own truth and inner wisdom, remembering who we are as human beings and the potential that each individual is embodying.It’s just up to us to open the doors or to keep them closed. I just simply wasn’t aware of this side of life because I kept my doors closed and didn’t believe, mostly in myself.
Reflecting back now on so many experiences that always left me with doubt of my perception. I now see that my way of perception isn’t per say the same for somebody else and that we all have our own unique use and skills if it comes to the way we sense and experience the world we live in. Now I see that I recognize specific spirits by the way their presence feels. Because I can’t really see.
These days, very subtly, vision is opening up again to me through the union with my second half Debra. Since I got married this sense has been opening up again. Because my wife is extremely clairvoyant in a way I have never seen in real life. After a year now I strongly notice that all these experiences in the past had no reason to be doubted. I was just insecure and not sure because I just couldn’t share this with anybody nor did I have a community around me of other people that were having their own experiences.
Peru was a big tipping point for me community wise, because these kinds of topics are just a part of daily life like eating and drinking. So all of a sudden you're not the crazy guy anymore and you can openly talk about this without any judgment. So you see, it is just about finding the right people around you, even thinking you are going crazy when you go through crazy visions of feelings or pieces of information or specific voices one might hear. It’s not always a bad thing. But it takes practice and a firm foundation of wisdom in protecting and keeping yourself clear. Not everything has the best intentions with us, so that is why these spiritual practices have prayers, mantras, mudras, plants and so much more tools to deal with these kinds of topics.
I could write so much more about this, but for now I’m glad to share this. Hopefully it reaches people that are struggling with becoming aware and trusting the things they are becoming aware of. Without trust in your own perception and the elements you’re working with you lose your potential energy and protection.
If you like to talk about some of your own experiences and don’t really have people around to talk to, don’t hesitate to text me or send an email. Again, damn, these words always keep on coming back. Faith, Will, Decision! (Special thanks to my dear friend Freddie for this one) I love you all and thanks for reading, Nick