This was already for a while a big theme in my life, where there was a lot of work to do. At the end of October I landed back in Belgium, straight from Iquitos - Peru. At that time we stayed in a tiny flat right at the coast of Belgium. Sitting on my ass for almost 2 weeks, with the C-rules, became intense after the freedom of the rainforest and slow rhythm of mother nature, who sings her song continuously, weaving it through the days and opening other doors at night, where one is used to open space for a ceremony and to dive into the spirit world or dreamworld to go and work. Cleansing and clearing energetic blocks and karmic stories that need to play out to face yourself and heal yourself. In Peru it is so normal, to say that you go and sit by yourself for a week or longer, because you need to do your work. But having this approach in Belgium, in my case, it always felt like a battle or confrontation with each individual that asked questions around this practice. Most of them are full of disbelief or a very critical perspective that demands an explanation in scientific terms or at least a form of clarity that can be grounded in our limited mental perspective of material and visual existence, that is used to label everything and put it into boxes.
Only that’s not how this works, this is something that is constantly growing and evolving through the space of existence. There is no way to pinpoint it and is also a reason why each person that works in this holistic lifestyle, needs to sit regularly with themselves. To meditate and contemplate, to talk to his teachers and guides. And yes these are energetic beings that all of us have around and can connect to. You only have to ask for it.. Which is very difficult for somebody that used to fight his way through life, you get so used to doing everything by yourself and giving nothing out of hand, just to make sure things are done the right way. Well at least from my perspective, not from a collective perspective. So this year has been a huge lesson in holding space for myself and what it is like to hold space for the ones you love and for people that come to you, in search of cleansing and clarity. In November I made my first peek outside again and we went to one of the beautiful parks around the coastline in Belgium. Just being back from the jungle after a big dieta, I never had the intention to head back into the practice directly. Although, on the walk, Oak was calling out to us as a family.. I let it sink in for a couple of days before I returned to the one tree that was calling to us. He offered us a couple of young branches and leaves with fruits to boil and to connect with Chieftan Oak, for the first time ever doing this in Europe. And with the whole family, me, our daughter and my wife, drank with the intention of connecting and getting to know each other. So, the structure was a social dieta, not the strict isolated terms we use in the rainforest for diving deep into healing and learning.
Once back in the apartment, I started preparing the tea and gained insights on his teachings very quickly. He showed me how his spirit teaches about holding space and being there grounded like a rock, simply holding space. After drinking the first cup, he activated a crown of light to support and strengthen my vision in the dreamworld, to navigate with clarity. I could feel the tree vibrating through my body and tingling in my brain. Like fresh air creating space and tranquility. I prepared a bathtub after my first cup of Oak, once soaked in with some Icaros from our own ceremonies, floating away, having the usual conversation with myself, to process what was on my plate. My playlist came to an end and I stayed in the tub. In the silence with candle light the room started to vibrate in a deep and strong way. Like the bass of a big drum, the space started vibrating equally with the beat of the drum. And there he was Chieftain Oak, a huge tree bringing in his energetic field to support me in holding space and showing me how it feels like how it is to master your space and how this can be used in ceremony to hold space for others. Blown away by his entrance and after expressing my gratitude towards our first connection and his teachings, I stumbled out of the bath to get ready for the night, to head deeper into dreamspace. After that up until this day, we have been constantly dancing and trying out different ways of finding our personal space within our family and as a family together. Now we have been living in a community for a couple of months, again a different level of dealing with space and balancing time within and time outside, family and the world around you.
I discovered that finding structure by yourself and living in solitude is one style, but it showed me very clearly too, that this structure needed to change in order to live in a group or as a family. Every day we get closer and closer to some personal success when it comes to creating our personal space, together with our family time. So hereby I send my gratitude out to Chieftan Oak for these insights and teachings, and the healing that came with it. Together with Renaco from the Peruvian Jungle they delivered a hard and rough integration path, with big gifts to come later this year.
Here in Europe, where everything is bombarding us with impulses from all kinds of sources, it is necessary for me to have a safe space to retreat when I need to recharge my batteries and process the experiences on a regular basis. Now being married and living on the road, this has become a bigger challenge and was a huge step for me out of my comfort zone. But here I discovered for myself the sacredness of silence and sitting with oneself. How we need to cultivate this more into daily life like taking a shower and going to the toilet. Cleanse yourself of daily energies that hang around in subtle ways. When we don’t do this, we are just stacking up things that aren’t even ours to carry and the longer we wait, the more difficult it will become to start the clean-up. For me this in and of itself was very hard, in finding new ways in this new current setting. While in Peru it is all so obvious. So here I must say that I’m amazingly grateful for having this beautiful lady in my life, that supports this all the way without questions.
It so happened to be that my last ceremony in Peru, would be one of the last times for a long time that I would have had a chance to sit in a space like this, to go within. So I haven’t been cleaning up my stuff and stacking it all up for months. Because I needed to be there to hold space for my love and our tiny sprout Nora, so they would have a space to purge and release things that they have been holding onto for years to a lifetime. While being in purgatory one actually needs to pay extra attention to this subject of keeping your personal space clean or you will feel like you're being dragged through the mud, without any clarity of the direction you're going in. The risk of getting lost is very realistic in those moments. And imagine getting burnt out and noticing that there is no way to avoid the clean-up anymore, at that point there is no other way than starting to clean, without the right amount of energy to deal with it in a healthy way. Without any help this can be very dangerous, but then that is the way I used to push myself through life, thinking it had to be a battle instead of a dance. Now I started to hear the song of our existence and I can’t ignore it any longer. So I started to dance and dropped the sword and shield. It took me until this summer, around august, before I would get another moment to sit with myself in nature, tapping into the spirit world, to check in with my integration process and how the journey has been going. Looking for things that needed to be adjusted and emotions that have been waiting for a long time to be processed. Then the night that I finally had the opportunity to separate myself for a journey, I went walking into the dry landscape of Southern Spain, facing a red sunset, almost like you would witness on African land. The colors were soothing and inviting me gently into the night. I found a stone bridge in the middle of the property to see the landscape stretch out with hills and tiny farms around, looking at the wall of mountains lining the horizon. Gently I noticed the light of the day disappearing and the light of the stars lighting up the sky. The 15th of August was also the day that a lot of falling stars were visible. Pure magic to see the space opening up again, after such a long ride.
The way I went in, I retrieved a charged part of my soul that had stayed behind in the jungle. Once back in my body completely, I couldn’t believe the strength I had and the capacity to hold my space. I felt the strength of the roots of Oak grounding me into the earth and the aerial roots and trunk of Renaco hugging me until I became one with both of them. The strength of my focus and connection from the earth to the stars, has never been so strong. I managed to hold my space and felt waves of gratitude and love for this path flowing over me. For the first time ever I felt master of my space, clear focus and connection to my heart and the space around me. I have never been so aware then that moment within this space. Almost blown away by the gifts of these beautiful spirits and the hard work that we have done so far..
Looking forward to going back into ceremony with my brothers and to see how this will affect my future work. Not only for myself, but also to bring these energies into ceremony to share with others and to hold their space, so they can heal in a safe and clear space.
Sometimes we don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and there is only faith, will and decision left to navigate your way through life. Trust that everything is working for you instead of against you.
Even when we don’t see it, yet!
So many different topics to be shared around the theme of space, but that’s for another blog.
Thanks for reading everybody, I hope this brings some insights for others or the relief of not feeling alone on this path. And may you all find the strength to navigate these intense times.
Blessings to all of you and take care.